the DUFF

The DUFF- The Designated Ugly Fat Friend.   I don’t know why it’s a THING now to talk about being a DUFF as if it’s a good thing.  Someone sent me a pic of Kylie Jenner wearing a shirt saying “I’m somebody’s DUFF”  and it made me sad.  Why? Because I think being a DUFF is a state of mind.


Some would say, what does Kylie Jenner know about being a DUFF?  I’m not going to question that. I’m going to think that at one point she’s felt like she’s been judged simply by how she looks, compared to others around her and felt lacking.  At 6 foot tall, I usually stand out, or at least heads and shoulders over most people, even the guys. Being overweight in a sea of size 2’s and 4’s, also makes me stand out.  I understand the premise behind DUFF- being the person who looks different, and not what some might think is as attractive who is kept around to make  others look more desirable- but I don’t get why it’s a THING now.    Why would you want to own that you think you’re not as good/pretty/lovable/WORTHY as someone else?  Why do we need to have a label?  WHY can’t we just be ourselves and get on with life?

WHY do we look at people who look different that us, or “societies” idea of beautiful and make it a bad thing? I’ve been told before that I’d be “datable” if I lost weight.   I wasn’t interested in this person before, but once I heard that, I wasn’t interested in even being his friend.

Oh, you’re all kinds of cute and hot and all, I’d even date you if you had  a brain and some common sense!

If I said that to someone, I’d be considered rude, selfish and shallow. Or, maybe I wouldn’t.  I try really hard in my life to NOT judge people by their appearances, and to get to know them.  One of the guys I find most attractive is someone that some peoples do not.  I LOVE his personality.  He’s  witty, sarcastic, SO talented and the kind of guy I’d love to hang out with.  Other judge him on his crazy hair and think otherwise.  I know he and I would have things in common, and  we’d be friends.


If people want to say I’m a DUFF, then I’m gonna own it – I can be a DUFF, but on my own terms.

DUFF Friend


In other words, I’m a friend. A good friend. That is all.





Be Brave and End Bullying Tip 22

Today is Day 22- and a tip that might not be easy, but is important!


It’s simple- if your friends are bullying, you need to tell them, and ask them to stop. Many times, they don’t know what they are doing is bullying, and you can tell them. Sometimes they know exactly what they are doing, and you should call them out. Either way, you really shouldn’t be afraid to let them know that they are bullying, and it’s not acceptable.  Being a good friend means being honest, and being real. Being a real friend means keeping it real.

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Be Brave and End Bullying Tip 21

tip21.jpgIt’s Day 21 of tips to help #BeMoreThanABystander and help end bullying.


Have you ever read  a Twitter stream or gotten a group message that was totally bullying someone? Or worse, about you?   I have, and it nearly broke me. It was cyber-bullying that pushed me over the edge and made me want to kill myself.   I know it’s awful to think that you’re a snitch, or a tattle-tale, but  sometimes you just have to report online bullying and make sure it stops.

Report it, Report it to the outlet that the bullies are using, and report it to adults that can help stop it. It’s not  tattling, it could really help someone.  Bullying has no place on social media.


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be Brave and End Bullying Tip 19

It’s time for tip 19!

Be Brave & End Bullying Tip 19

Sometimes, just a little bit of kindness goes a LONG WAY.   I really think that if people would just be kind,  so many problems in our world would end.

When you see someone being nice,  say something.  When you have a chance to be kind, do it.   Being kind is the antithesis of  bullying.

Be Brave and End Bullying Tip 17

Today’s day 17-

Be Brave End Bullying tip 17

My Mom talks to me all the time, every day.  Sometimes she talks TOO much. But when I was in the midst of brutal bullying , she talked to me, and I didn’t tell her how bad things were. Looking back, there were some things that could have helped.

My Mom would ask, How’s school?  and I’d answer, “fine,” or, more often, “it sucks” but I ddidn’tgive details.  It was too exhausting to go through everything that was  weighing me down.   Talk to your kids, ask them pointed questions and dig a little for answers.  But don’t dig too much.  There were many times I wanted to tell my Mom something, but I didn’t want to bring it up. I hoped she would ask me, but she didn’t know to!  It was a circle that neither one of us knew how to get out of. Now we make it a priority to talk a lot, every day about everything. No, I don’t have to tell her all my secrets, but I know I can go to her if I need her.




Be Brave and End Bullying Tip 15

Today is Day 15 of tips to Be More Than a Bystander and help end bullying.


It’s a known fact that sometime, brothers and sisters don’t get along. However, there is a real difference in normal sibling rivalry and bullying.  When one sibling is bullying another, it’s extraordinarily hard because there is NO WHERE to escape. Home, which should be a peaceful place, becomes just another battlefield.   If one sibling is bullying the other, it is the parents responsibility to make it stop.

Just because someone is family doesn’t make bullying okay.

If you wouldn’t allow someone else to treat your family member in  a certain way, then certainly don’t let someone IN your family treat them badly.  If you see it happening with your brothers and sisters, or even with yourself, get help.

Be Brave and end bullying tip 13

Today’s  tip is something every parent should know, whether or not your child is being bullied.

Be Brave tip 13

If you ccouldn’tcontact your child, what would you do?  Would you know who he or she hung out with, and would you be able to reach them?   Do you know the kids your child is around? Do you know what kind of people they are?

My Mom always insists on meeting my friends, and their parents if I am going to be with them.  It used to embarrass me, until she explained to me that it was important to her to feel safe knowing who I was with.  Only once has she told me that  I needed to think twice about being around a certain person, and she insisted it always be at my house. She said she wasn’t comfortable with that person and the way they acted.  And it turned out she was right!

Sometimes, even the best kids can fall into the trap of acting like the kids around them.  Peer pressure is STRONG  No one is immune.   You need to know who your kids are around, how they behave and how they expect their friends to behave. Know your friends.


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Be Brave & End Bullying Tip 11

Today’s tip is something I think it really important.   It’s easy to cross the lni9e between bullying and joking.


Joking around with your friends can be fun, and a normal part of just hanging out and having fun.  But making jokes at the expense of others isn’t’ funny. It’s mean. And saying, “no offence” or “just kidding” DOENS”T make it ok. It’s still hurtful.

  • “No offense, but you look really fat in those jeans!”
  • “Everyone knows that Sue has the right nose to play the Bird, right, Sue!  HAHAHA!”
  • “Joe’s so poor, he can’t pay attention”
  • “That’ wasn’t an earth quake, it was Heather going for a walk”


Think about what you’re joking about. If it’s about someone, in particular, it’s not a joke, it’s a putdown.  If it’s going to make others laugh at someone, it’s probably not going to be funny to the person you’re making fun of.  and if you’re making s=fun of someone, you’re probably, bulling them .

“Just kidding” isn’t funny.


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Be brave and stand up to bullying tip 10

On Day 10 of Be More Than a Bystander and help end bullying- we’re talking about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.

Be Brave & end Bullying Tip 10

Have you ever had someone say something about you, and it simply CRUSHED you?  Remember how that felt?    I try to always remember how it felt when people were mean to me, so I can be sure to be there for others.  Empathy means  thinking about how others feel, whether or not you are the cause of how they are feeling.  When you see someone else being mean, a simple, “Man, that must make them feel terrible!”  can cause people to pause and think about how their actions can effect others.

Empathy is about standing in someone else’s shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes. Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place. – Daniel H. Pink

When you’re trying to think if you’re being empathetic,  think about this:

  • E Everybody needs somebody
  • M Model and mirror behavior
  • P Put yourself in their shoes
  • A Ask if you can help
  • T Treat others the way you want to be treated
  • H Hurtful or helpful- know how they’re feeling.
  • Y You feel better and they feel better

Sharing with others about empathy, and being empathetic to others will go a long way to helping stop bullying.   No one wants to be hurt.

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Be Brave and End Bullying Tip 9

Today’s post is on The Wait is Over. We’re talking cyber-security!

Be3 Brave End bullying tip 9Swing over and check it out, and be sure to subscribe to get all out tips!