When I was in 8th grade someone told me that I was overweight, I was worthless, and therefore, I should go kill myself.

I wanted to.   But I didn’t.

It took a little time, but  I realized that I am worth so much more than numbers on a scale, or the size of my clothes.  At that  time my size was directly tied to how I felt about myself and how others perceived me. The way that people think about people who are overweight is wrong.

People think that overweight people are sad, pathetic, lazy, piggy, greedy, dirty, whorey, unpopular,worthless pieces of shit. I know, because I’ve been called every single one of these things with nothing to go on other than my physical appearance.  But I’m NOT.  I am a kind, funny, caring, giving, honest and loyal friend who will do anything for one of my friends.   I am nothing special. I am just ME.  I am the same as everyone else.  My size doesn’t dictate my worth.  My VALUE isn’t what clothes I wear.  I am not BRANDED a success or a failure by what covers my body.

Abercrombie and Fitch’s COE, Mike Jeffries has made some comments about how he feels about fat people and  their value.

“Abercrombie is only interested in people with washboard stomachs who look like they’re about to jump on a surfboard”

“In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids. Candidly, we go after the cool kids,” .

“We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong.”

“I don’t want our core customers to see people who aren’t as hot as them wearing our clothing.”

At first this made me really mad, then it had me frustrated, then sad.  Really, Mr. Jeffries?   We have enough bullying going on these days without you calling out the overweight kids names. Once upon a time I wanted  A&F  clothing so badly.  I wanted to fit in, to be the same. I realized I wasn’t the same. I was different.   It’s not the clothes that make you who you are.  Sure, you want to look nice and  dress well, but to be exclusionary is just another way to promote bullying and hatred. It’s racisms for the lack of a better word.   How would it be if the quote was:

“Abercrombie is only interested in people with  blond hair and blue eyes and white skin  who look like they’re about to jump on a surfboard”

or

“We go after the attractive all-American STRAIGHT kid with a great attitude and a lot of STRAIGHT friends. A lot of GAY people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong.”

Well, all hell would be breaking loose and it should. He would be called a bigoted, racist bully is.  The thing is, he is.  Just in a different way.  Fat, skinny, blond, brunette, big nose, knobby knees, size 10, size 24, athletic, pimply, clear skin,  brainy, nerd, popular. Why is is important?  Why is it a quantified?

WE ALL MATTER.

WE ALL HAVE WORTH.

It’s not tied into being able to buy a shirt from ONE store that tells kids that some are better than others because of their size. .  We all have so much to offer other than what number we wear.

I like my shirt better, anyway. I don’t care what size it is. It’s the truth.

A friend isn’t someone who stand by and watches you do something wrong. A TRUE friend is someone who will stand up to you and tell you that you are wrong. I am always a true friend.

I’ve been dealing with some bullying lately, and after someone was really mean and nasty to me, I walked away.  The truth is I was sad, I was upset and I was FURIOUS. So furious that I really wanted to do something, anything to retaliate.    BUT, I stopped myself and walked away.

.

I am strong enough to walk away.  I do not walk away because I am scared, but  because  I am not going to buy into the drama .  I walk away because I have enough faith in myself to know that maybe you hurt me for a moment, but not forever. I walk away because I will not let anyone goad me into making bad choices.

Walking away isn’t weak—

it’s sometimes the strongest, bravest thing a person can do.

I’m NOT buying into the drama. And I am not going to accept it. You see, NO ONE has the right to act that way towards me. I  have the right to protect myself. I will, but in the right way. You will stop, because I refuse to accept your bullying. Not only of me, but of all the other people you have bullied. To make a true difference in this world, you have to STAND UP FOR WHAT’S RIGHT. I WILL stand up to you, I have, and I will continue to because I refuse to live in a world where people think it’s ok to hurt others for entertainments sake.

I refuse the drama, the lies, the pettiness.  I don’t care if it cost me friends. If it does, they were not friends to begin with.

February 22 is my little brother Aedan’s birthday.  He’ll be 11.  I was thinking about  how excited he is.  How excited my parents are to celebrate with him.  And yeah, I’m excited for him- because what are birthdays, really?  They are a celebration of a year of life, and the excitement and hope of the upcoming year.  Aedan has that.

But  February 22 is also Charlotte Bacon’s birthday.  Charlotte died in the tragedy  of Newtown.  She isn’t going to have any more birthdays.   But, her family is  celebrating her  by hosting the Charlotte Bacon Act of Kindness Award via NewtownKindess,org  to encourage kids from everywhere to share acts of kindness that they wanted to do in response to the tragedy.

They put out this video today.

There is also a movement to wear pink on Friday, February 22 in honor of Charlotte.

Pink is such a happy color.  It’s the color of spring, of  tulips and smiles.

Pink is the color of hope.

So Friday, I will be wearing pink to honor Charlotte, to say that I believe in hope and  small acts of kindness and doing more to make this world a better place.  As I said before, if doesn’t take anything huge, small acts of kindness- a smile, a kind word, a PINK moment can change everything.

Please be PINK on February 22.  Please share. Consider it an Act of Kindness.  And if you wear pink, will you send me a pic at ally@losergurl.com so I can make a graphic and share it?  Thanks!

I live about 20 minutes away from Newtown, Connecticut.    When this terrible thing happened, I was in class all of a sudden I heard:

CODE BLUE – CODE BLUE- THIS IS NOT A DRILL – CODE BLUE

and  LOCKDOWN! We were all huddled underneath a window, barely breathing, wondering if  the next sound we were going to hear were shots and then BAM!  the door  jumped and someone rattled the doorknob and  my world, my heart, my breath stopped- and I wondered which kid, who in my school who had been bullied and excluded and made fun of and harassed so much that he (or she) couldn’t TAKE ONE SINGLE MINUTE MORE was going to come through that door and shoot my friends and I.   I prayed.  Then, as I realized that it was ok, we were ok.  I wanted to cry, but I held it together because sometimes you  just have to. So I kept calm and texted my Mom who assured me that  it was ONLY on Newtown, it was ONLY one shooter- he was dead- we were ok, and that I was safe.  I have never felt less safe in my life.  I wonder if I will ever feel completely safe again. Once school was out, I walked to our truck with a friend (no one wanted to go home alone that day) I looked at my Mom and tried to stay brave but I burst into tears. She held me as I wept for so many thing- for those poor children and teachers and their families and for the fact that my life will never, ever feel the same again. I will never feel completely safe again.

This awful thing that happened wasn’t because of any one thing.   It wasn’t JUST because of guns- oh I am SO sick of hearing that. Of course it played a HUGE part but there had to have been- there ALWAYS IS – a catalyst that forced the use of violence  It wasn’t because Adam Lanza may have had Asperger’s- just having Asperger’s or Autism doesn’t make  him suspect of being violent.  What I have read about him is that he was always “different”. It seems as if he never “fit in”. I’ve read the same about  Dillon Kiebold, Eric Harris, and Seung-Hui Choi.  Every single one of those people felt at one point, different and alone.   This does NOT negate the evil of what they did- let me be perfectly clear: I am NOT STANDING UP FOR THEM or excusing what they did- and the bottom line is that they have to take responsibility for their actions and they are all probably burning in hell. But I have to ask- would they have gotten to this hopeless point if maybe, just maybe they didn’t feel so alone?  What if they weren’t bullied/ignored/teased/forgotten?  What if they felt as if they mattered to someone?

What if we stopped being a society that cared so much about FITTING IN and  and became a society that just CARED?

Some kids wrote to President Obama asking to him to help – and he used that in his press conference to talk about gun control. but what I wish most of all all is for the politicians to put aside all the posturing and come up with a way to encourage kindness and  empathy for others.  We need to take a very big and FIRM stance on bullying.  It should not be tolerated at all- ever.  We need to encourage acts of kindness and acceptance. Right after all this happened Ann Curry asked people to  do 26 Acts of Kindness.  #26Acts is pretty great- I try to participate. I remind myself that  an Act of Kindness does NOT need to be huge- it’s often the small things that make a BIG difference.  A smile, a hello, a “how was your weekend?”   I am reminding myself to show people that I care.

And lastly,  we need to remind everyone that people who are different are just that- different, not less than.  A few months ago our school had a talent show and I sang a song about how it’s ok not to be ok- and it was great. A favorite part of the night was  the final act; and it’s exactly what I am talking about. Acceptance and encouragement for all.

So EVERY ONE of us has a chance to make this world a tiny bit better- it doesn’t have a be a grand event- small  things make difference, too. What will you do to make your little part of the world better?

I have been on TV,  on the radio, in the newspaper and magazines and online news sites.  All because:

• I stand up for myself
• I stand up for others
• I stand up for causes I believe in
• I refuse to back down to  bullies
• I refuse to be treated like a second class citizen
• I refuse to let people walk on me
• I share my message
• I will not give up

But, that does NOT mean I am an “attention whore” as I have been called. It means that I  am true to myself. and if my life makes others uncomfortable in theirs, well, then, so be it.

This past weekend I had a really bad time dealing with some things that nearly crippled me last year.  I was headed to a dark and depressed place that I crawled out of  finger hold by finger hold. It would have been so easy to fall back into that comfortable familiar place.  But I decided that I fought too hard to be where I am and I’m not going back there. You will not do that to me, again.

So I am raising my head high, and carrying on.  I’ve discovered that the dogs who bark the loudest, the ugliest most snarly ones are the ones that run out of steam the  quickest. Hate is hard to sustain.

Moving on. I am moving on.  I’m not keeping friends,or making enemies.  I am simply moving on and going about my life.  I am planning out what I want to do for the next year. You guessed it, there will be lots of press and I will be trying as hard as I can to get the word out to everyone who listens that  no one deserves to be bullied, not by their so-called “friends”,  not  by anyone. I will not NOT stop my mission.

I was all set sing a different song at our school talent show.  I love to sing- it’s such a great way to express yourself. .  Right before the show, I decided to change my son to show how I was feeling:

These are the lyrics.

I stare at my reflection in the mirror Why am I doing this to myself? Losing my mind on a tiny error I nearly left the real me on the shelf

Don’t lose it all in the blur of the stars Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing It’s okay not to be okay.  Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart, Tears don’t mean you’re losing, Everybody’s bruising                 Just be true to who you are

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect? I forgot what to do to fit the mold. The more I try the less it’s working, ‘Cause everything inside me screams : NO, NO, NO NO NO NO!
Don’t lose it all in the blur of the stars ,Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing, It’s okay not to be okay Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart. But tears don’t mean you’re losing,Everybody’sbruising        There’s nothing wrong with who you are

I love this song. I love this message.

THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH WHO YOU ARE! 

Guess what!  I got to see We The Kings at Macy’s a  little bit ago.

It was SUCH a great show- I loved seeing how energetic and  ROCKIN’ this band was! 

I really enjoyed the concert.

As much as I likes seeing the band, I LOVED looking at the huge & awesome Juniors section. Macy’s takes teens SERIOUSLY!  Ya know how so many junior sections only have small sizes? Not Macy’s!  I checked out the Juniors Plus section on line, and I was blown away~  I really need Macy’s to adopt me to be a clothes model. I swear I found SO many outfits I love!  I could be the REAL TEEN FASHION STYLIST for plus sized girls!  C’mon Macy’s, what do you say?

Look at all these clothes!  I have a semi-formal coming up,and I found the dress I need!   I love that Macy’s enticed me in with the concert, but really caught me with the clothes!  (and they have AWESOME makeup section).

Disclosure: I am a member of the Everywhere Society and Everywhere provided me with compensation for this post about Macy’s Fall Fashion and Concert Events. However, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein are my own.d what

I went to Providence, Rhode island this weekend and went to a fashion show at Macy’s hosted by Clinton Kelly. He is really funny and a little bit snarky about what people should wear and shouldn’t wear.  For the most part I agree with his rules.. but  we all know that teenagers don’t always listen to rules!

These were some of my favorite outfits that he showcased.  He put together a lot of very nice outfits, but to be honest,  many of them were a little old for me, or weren’t in my size. There were models of all body sizes and ages – Macy’s is awesome about that, but a lot of the looks were not going to be available in my size. Hopefully, I can replicate the looks with different items.

OMG the SHOES were ROCKING!

Another awesome thing about Macy’s is that that they have a huge beauty department, with  all kinds of makeup and perfume.  I love makeup, so I spent a lot of time looking around in the  Beauty Department and got a few new looks for fall there!

Clinton Kelly  has a few  rules that I will keep- like making sure things fit you correctly and wearing nice shoes. He has my cracking up at some of the things he sad, and made me thing when he said the number one thing he thinks that women should NOT do is to  use the “H” word – hate- and that women should love and embrace (and dress) the bodies the way they are right now.

I plan on heading back to Macy’s to check out the clothes for the holidays. and you know what? I would LOVE to talk my family into getting to go to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade this year.  I’ve always wanted to!  It would be a perfect way to start our Christmas Season.

Disclosure: I am a member of the Everywhere Society and Everywhere provided me with compensation for this post about Macy’s and Clinton Kelly.  However, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein are my own.

Take a look at this beautiful woman. She’s georgous!

Her name is  Robyn Lawly is she is professional model. A PLUS sized model.  Everyone is all freaking out that she is the face of Ralph Lauren’s PLUS SIZED model. Plus sized?  REALLY?  I know I read that she is a 6’2” and a size 16- looks like a  LOT of airbrushing is going on to me! Why does she have to have  title of PLUS SIZED?  Why is everyone OBSESSED with her SIZE?  How about some love for how freaking BEAUTIFUL she is, and not the number on her dress? 

This is Katherine Roll.  (@plusmodelkat) She is a beautiful. She is kind. She was willing to chat with a girl at a  Macy’s fashion show and she gave me (well, my mom) her contact sheet.  When I look at her, I don’t immediately thing, OH SHE’S A PLUS SIZED MODEL, I think, “hey, she’s beautiful and I love the way those clothes look on her and yeah, she’s my size.“

It’s the same with me.  I’m no size 12, for sure, but I don’t stop and think every time I take photos that I’m being a PLUS SIZED person taking photos- I’m just being me!   And all I see is ME!  Why must there be a label?

Labels have SO much power!  “Pretty, ugly, smart, stupid, gay, lesbian,fat , skinny, lazy, mean,  nice sweet…. there are so many labels- and they STICK.

I’m not labeling anyone – and I refuse to be labeled.  Just let me be ME, Ally, and I’ll let you be who you are- and like you for you. Not your label.

Will you give up label?  Will you be happy in yourself, your own skin, who you are?   Please let me know what you think about label… and how they effect you! 

I’ve written before about how frustrating it can be to go shopping when you are a not a size 2 (or 12, for that matter).  This  weekend I went to a fashion show at Macy’s that was showcasing the newest fall looks.  I loved most of them!  And something that was very cool: they had models of all sizes, so I could see how the clothes would look on me!

Robbie Laughlin (Who Wore it Best, E Entertainment Network) hosted it and he had some really good outfits put together.  He is really fun to talk to and is really nice. I love that he sees styles for everyone, you know?  He does a show with Giuliana Rancic too- and he’s really nice in person.

Here are a few of my favorite looks:

I love this jacket. I WANT ONE! Thant necklace is pretty hot, too. There was a lot of sparkly things happening at this show. (Calvin Klein sequin tuxedo blazer, Calvin Klein black tuxedo pant, Calvin Klein white drape shirt, Enzo Angiolini black shoetie with gramet top detail )

I LOVE these jeans!  I hope they come in larger sizes, because I SO want a pair!  (INC metallic boucle blazer, Kenzie silk crepe blouse, Else bronze metallic jean , Jessica Simpson metallic peep toe pump)

Love the jacket, and her face. She’s all like  PLEASE, I am fabulous.  Those pants are pretty great, too.   (INC quilted leather moto jacket, Kensie print tie blouse, INC berry and black side stripe pant  Jessica Simpson mesh suede shoe )

I like this look, too.  Not sure about the lace jeans, but love the tuxedo jacket!  (Nicole Ricci capsole collection taupe tuxedo blazer with studded shoulders, INC black crepe blouse, INC black and gold lace print jean, Rachel by Rachel Roy black geometric heel pump)

Another thing I LOVED;  Robbie and Macy’s had a plus sized model, and she was beautiful: @plusmodelkat  was SO exactly what I am always talking about: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT YOUR SIZE.

They may not all be looks I’d wear, but she’s really beautiful in all of them.  And it’s nice to see real looking people at a show. To be honest, I thought I’d be seeing a lot of looks I’d liked but wouldn’t be able to find or wear.  I really loved that  I can go to Macy’s and get some of the stuff that I saw. Like those riding boots, the riding pants, and the leather jacket!

(Jones New York leather cutaway jacket, Calvin Klein red dress with zipper accent , Lauren by Ralph Lauren bootie .  Adrianna Papell high low jersey dress with leather accents,  Zoey & Lucca calf studded boot .  INC sequin moto jacket, Jones New York purple silk blouse, Michael Kors denim, Dolce Vita suede wedge shoe.   Calvin Klein camel caplet with leather trim, Jones New York olive pajama print silk blouse, Alfani black stretch riding pant, Michael Kors tortouise and gold chain link jewelry, Michael Kors black leather riding boot)

What is your favorite look for fall?  Do you ever wonder where and how to translate the trendy looks to suit your size?

Disclosure: I am a member of the Everywhere Society and Everywhere provided me with compensation for this post about Macy’s Fall Fashion.  However, all thoughts and opinions expressed herein are my own.