My Story-

by Ally on October 9, 2013

045Last week, someone I love very much tried to kill themself.  I know all too well the feeling of hopelessness and anguish that  can bring you to that point. When you are surrounded by so much NOTHING that the only one way out= to become nothing.

Just as I know now, oh so importantly, that  IT GETS BETTER. It does.

I decided now is the time to share MY story, my whole story.  About  how I was bullied- not just in High School, or Middle School, but how it started in 2nd grade.  I was 8.  I was different- in my case, I was overweight.  It never mattered that I was sick, and it caused me to gain weight, all people saw was my body. They didn’t see me.  I learned from age 8 that I was  worthless. I learned how to smile through tears. I learned how to hide pain. I learned how to accept  shards of friendship becasue I thought it was all I was deserving of.  It only got worse. Much worse.

Why?  Because I am fat.  I have been fat since I was small because my thyroid went crazy and for reasons I couldn’t have helped, I gained a lot of weight.  I started hiding behind it because it was me. I was the fat girl, and I was worthless. Then as I got older I got other sicknesses that  helped me gain weight. Depression did the rest.

Here is my story:

I came close to ending my life  simply because other people didn’t like what they saw, and I let them make me a victim.  I let my self doubt, and yes, even self hatred spiral me into a pit I nearly didn’t crawl out of.

But, I did crawl out of it.

I made a decision that I was worthy, I was special, I was beautiful.  I deserve to be happy, and I am going to be. I choose to believe in ME.  Not what others see or think or say. I want to lose weight, sure. But even if I don’t lose a pound, I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am not a size or a number on a scale.  I am so much more than that.

And I want to be there, to SHOUT TO EACH AND EVERY OTHER PERSON who is being told they are worthless, pathetic, losers that  You are NOT.  You are a worthy, wonderful gift to this earth and maybe they don’t see it, hell, maybe even YOU don’t see it, but you are!  Love yourself.  YOU deserve it. and if no one else can see it, too bad.

Find someone who does see who you are and how wonderful you are and believe them when they tell you.  Find an ally.  Be an ally to others.  Share our strength.  Share positive words and smiles.  Believe with everything you are that  everyone is beautiful and had worth.

 

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{ 66 comments… read them below or add one }

Jessica October 31, 2013 at 1:12 am

Ally, you are such a beautiful girl! Thank you for sharing your story! You are truly an inspiration<3

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David October 31, 2013 at 4:27 am

You are BEAUTIFUL.

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Shilpa October 31, 2013 at 2:36 pm

Dear Ally,

You are Very Very beautiful…..you have a beautiful heart and wht you are doing is great….:)

Reading through your post i felt like I was going through it, all those people who bullied you are cowards and have nothing better to do.

You will achieve great things in life. Continue being an inspiration for so many others and life will definitely get easier and better….
Be positive and brave.
live and let live.

ALL the best to you and everyone out there.

Shilpa

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JD November 1, 2013 at 5:08 pm

You are very brave, bright and beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. I was bullied when I was younger and believed I was very ugly. For years, I painfully suffered from self-doubt. 20 years later those bullies ended up becoming the butt of their own superficial jokes: I still see them, they have given up in life, settled for much less, and are generally in a poorer disposition than they thought they would be in now. I’m happy to report that I’m a professional with many options in life. Hoping you continue to use any negative treatment as a way to drive you in the right direction, I would love to continue reading your updates as you progress in life. Best of luck to you.

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Sven Berg November 3, 2013 at 3:14 pm

Keep up your good work!!

// greetings from Sweden

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Olga December 5, 2013 at 11:40 am

Hi Ally – Thank you so much for sharing your story. Many others would break under the pressures your experienced. You didn’t. I read a blog that said coal and diamonds are essentially the same thing, they just reacted differently when subjected to pressure. You are a diamond.

“A diamond is only forged under conditions of heat and pressure, and takes a great deal of time to fully strengthen, but once it has been strengthened it is nearly impervious to damage. It can handle extreme heat, and more pressure. It can handle attacks to its surface and it can handle the hottest fires , and it does all of this without trouble. It is a good thing to seek to be or become diamond, because it means you understand that life will at times be a heavy burden to bear, but you also recognize that you will, in time, overcome these struggles. You are a force of strength and power in a world that often seems overpowering.”

http://beardsbearsandbrian.blogspot.com/2013/05/oil-coal-and-diamond-lesson-in.html

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